November 2018 Newsletter

Couples Corner

A misconception that can cause relationships to dissolve is that a couple's love should remain the same throughout time. In Psychology Today, Robert Taibbi, LCSW says that there are actually three stages of dating and that if couples are aware of the changes that will occur, they can be prepared for those changes. He states stage one is "Oxytocin or Bust," where chemistry is the most important. In this stage, the people are fearful to rock the boat and are not honest about things that bother them.  By 9-18 months, oxytocin levels decrease and stage two of "Unsettled Settling" starts. In this stage, the couple is more relaxed and honest about behaviors that bother them. Some couples break up at this stage, either because they realize they are not on the same page, or it is just too difficult. In stage three, the couple moves toward commitment or marriage. The author states, in this stage, "you need to fill in, not fall in, emotional potholes that come along the way.

To read more, click here.

Individual Corner

Social Media is very much a part of our society. How many of us do not have "friends" on Facebook, or "post" our favorite pictures for our "friends" to see? It has become a daily part of life for many individuals. But how does it affect us? Is it really in our best interest to make it such a routine? According to Forbes Magazine contributor, Alice G. Walton, it can be addictive and is not healthy for children, adults, or teens. She quotes from a study from Nottingham Trent University, "It may be plausible to speak specifically of 'Facebook Addiction Disorder'." This is taken from criteria such as neglect of personal life, tolerance, and concealing the behavior from others. Another study found social media use is actually linked to greater feelings of social isolation. Walton is quick to admit social media does keep us connected from long distances and allows us to reconnect with others. She suggests it is important to take a break form social media, use it in moderation, and not to use it as a way to kill time or for an emotional lift.

To read more, click here.

Family Corner

When someone raised in a dysfunctional family grows up, that person carries how he or she learned to communicate and cope with him or her into adulthood. This usually does not make for healthy relationships. An article written by the Counseling and Psychological Services department at Brown University lists different types of dysfunctional families as well as the results of the abuse and neglect found in these families. In making changes, it is suggested to identify painful or difficult experiences that happened in childhood and to make a list of the behaviors wanted to change as a start.

To read more, click here.

Infertility Corner

While you are on your family-building journey, you will likely need support and encouragement from many sources. Herchel Scruggs compiled a list of 10 comforting quotes that can be applied to infertility and keep you motivated and inspired during tough times. Here's a quote from one of my favorite poets from childhood, the late Shel Silverstein:
"Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me … Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” ~ Shel Silverstein

 Here's another one of my favorite quotes that Herchel likes also:

"It’s going to be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” ~Anonymous

To read more, click here.

For assistance with your family building journey, call Stephani for an appointment at 217-972-4851

Are you having difficulty getting pregnant? Are you wondering if you might be experiencing infertility? This is the ConnectEdPAIRS corner for infertility. Check here monthly for infertility education and support. Stephani Cave, LCPC specializes in infertility counseling and holds Professional Memberships in the Mental Health Professionals Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM ) and RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. Both of these organizations' websites are sources of education and support as well.

Happy November!
I hope you are enjoying the fall weather as we move into the Thanksgiving season. Adopting a habit of gratitude is very beneficial for one's health and one's relationships. Might I challenge you to an early new year's resolution to start keeping a gratitude journal today? 

I am thankful for Donna Givens coming on board with ConnectEdPAIRS. To help you decide which ConnectEdPAIRS counselor is the best fit for you, here is a review of my specialties so that you can compare them to Donna's. 

Stephani Cave, MA, LCPC, NCC is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and National Certified Counselor. She holds professional memberships in the American Counseling Association, Illinois Counseling Association, Illinois Association for Couple and Family Counselors, American Society for Reproductive Medicine Mental Health Professionals Group, and RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association.
Stephani works with adults utilizing individual and couples counseling. She sees adults for general mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, grief/loss, self-esteem, assertiveness, infertility/reproductive issues, and relationship concerns.
Stephani sees couples for general relationship issues, including premarital counseling, relationship enhancement, relationship discord, and infertility/reproductive issues. Stephani is trained on Level Two of Gottman Method Couples Therapy and is a certified facilitator and seminar director for the Prepare-Enrich program.

Stephani is accepting new clients at both the Springfield and Jacksonville locations. She is in Springfield Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, with office hours in Jacksonville on Thursdays. Stephani accepts Aetna, BCBS PPO, Cigna, Health Alliance PPO, HealthLink, Magellan, and Tricare insurance, and self-pay clients.

As always, you can call for assistance in applying any of the information from the newsletter to your personal experience.

All best,
Stephani Cave, LCPC

Prior editions of the ConnectEdPAIRS newsletter are now available on the Newsletter Archives tab on our website. Check it out here.

Donna Givens, RN, LCPC
Donna's Corner

November brings the holiday season. Thanksgiving is not a happy day for everyone. Those who have lost someone this past year may have difficulty facing a holiday without the loved one. It helps to change tradition, such as holding the celebration at a different location or time. Also, take time to self-nurture and reach out to others during this difficult season. Attend a support group. Often, funeral homes have programs around the holidays. Take care of yourself, and remember it is okay to grieve however you choose, as long as you are not hurting yourself or someone else.

Hello everyone! I am so happy to be part of ConnectEdPAIRS as an independent provider! I look forward to working with you. My hours in Springfield are Thursday from 2:30 pm to 7:00 pm and Friday from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm. Other appointments can be arranged if needed. I currently work in Jacksonville on a flexible schedule Monday-Wednesday. I now am also seeing clients in my new Beardstown office, also on a flexible sch!edule.
Donna Givens is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who has worked in the mental health field for over 35 years. She started as a Registered Nurse on an inpatient psychiatric unit and did that for almost fifteen years. She worked in the substance abuse field for five years. She also worked in community mental health for close to fifteen years. She was a group facilitator in a partial hospitalization program as well.
Donna works with children, adolescents, and adults. She works with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Her specialties are behavior problems, mood disorders, grief, and changing behaviors. Donna also provides non-DUI-related substance abuse counseling.

Donna is accepting new clients at the Springfield, Jacksonville, and Beardstown locations. She accepts BCBS and Cigna insurance, and self-pay clients.

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