January 2020 Newsletter

Couples Corner Men and women want different things in romantic relationships. Many articles we read relate to what women want or need, but what about men? According to Prokerala web site, in the article, "What Men Want In a Relationship?," men want unconditional love. They do not want their significant other to place conditions on the relationship. They see these as barriers in the free flow of love. Men also fall in and out of relationships much more easily than women. They want communication and want to be able to talk and be listened to. It is important to understand the differences in sexual nature as well. Men tend to be fast starters, while women are slow starters. Sex is a very important dynamic for men, while it might not be as much for women. 

To read more about what men want, click here.

Individual Corner

Individual Corner 

"I'm not motivated." How often do we hear or say that phrase? Well, in her article on Medium's "The Startup," Liz Huber writes on just this subject. She gives 8 reasons for lack of motivation and ideas on how to remedy it.
First, she states maybe you lack a solid reason for why you want to do it. Here your options are to decide you really don't want to do it, or to look into why you don't want to do whatever it is. Find the value in it as well. 
 Another reason might be that your goal is overwhelming you. If this is the case, break it down into attainable smaller parts. The third thing is that you don't believe in yourself. She suggests looking at past achievements for the quick fix and for the long-term to identify those limiting beliefs and replace them with positive, empowering ones. 
Fourthly, you are exhausted. The solution is to destress, get enough sleep, and learn to say no. Prioritize what you want to do. 

To read the rest of this article, click here.

Family Corner

In an article on HelpGuide web site adapted from a larger article by Jeanne Segal, PhD, it is suggested that emotional intelligence (EQ) is the best way to improve families. The author states that when you are aware of your feelings, you can't be controlled by other family members' emotions. 

Some of the EQ ways to improve relationships that are listed are: 

1.Take care of your health if you hope to take care of yourself. 
2. Listen if you expect to be heard.
3. Teach emotional choice. Let all your feelings be ok, but not all behaviors.
4. Teach generosity by receiving, not just giving. 
5. Take responsibility for your nonverbal cues.
6. Don't try to solve problems for your loved ones. Let them know their strengths and come to you if they want help. 
7. Make a lasting impression through actions. Actions speak louder than words. 
8. Acknowledge your mistakes to everyone, even the young people. 
9. Learn unique individual needs. Everyone does not have the same love language. 
10. Be generous in expressing love. 

To learn more about using EQ to improve family relationships, click here.

Beyond the Physical: Mental Health on Your Fertility Journey
Research shows that psychological stress does not cause infertility, but infertility can cause stress. Infertility can also increase depression and anxiety in both women and men. When facing infertility, Georgia Witkin, PhD suggests giving yourself a mental health check-up, looking for the three “D's” that are often signs of psychological overload: disorganization, decision-making difficulties, and dependency needs. Dr.Witkin suggests that if you have even one of these symptoms, its time to prioritize your mental health and try the following strategies:
1. Focus on the present
2. Practice self-care
3. Talk to yourself
4. Talk to others
5. Focus on your work
6. Try cognitive restructuring
7. Check for depression
Dr. Witkin ends her article by reminding us, “Work and play will help you cope with this journey, so don't wait until you are overwhelmed. Make your mental health a priority now.”
 To read the full article, click here.
Are you having difficulty getting pregnant? Are you wondering if you might be experiencing infertility? This is the ConnectEdPAIRS corner for infertility. Check here monthly for infertility education and support. Stephani Cave, LCPC specializes in infertility counseling and holds Professional Memberships in the Mental Health Professionals Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM ) and RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. Both of these organizations' websites are sources of education and support as well.

Happy January!
I hope that you are looking forward to the new year with excitement and energy so that your 2020 can truly “roar.” They say hindsight is 20/20. I hope that you have fond memories from 2019 to look back upon and that you have learned and grown in the past year to move toward your best you.

I read this quote on Facebook –
“I’m not even going to talk about my goals for 2020. I’m moving forward in silence, focusing on the walk, not the talk.” What do you think of that idea? If you would like help defining or achieving your goals, call me for a counseling appointment.
To show appreciation for clients, both past and present, I purchased complimentary Mood Magnets for you to show others how you are feeling. Simply contact me to get your magnet.

All best,
Stephani Cave, LCPC

Prior editions of the ConnectEdPAIRS newsletter are now available on the Newsletter Archives tab on our website. Check it out

Stephani Cave, MA, LCPC, NCC is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and National Certified Counselor.

Stephani works with adults utilizing individual and couples counseling. Her specialties are relationships, premarital counseling, infertility/reproductive issues, depression, anxiety, self-esteem, assertiveness, grief/loss, and decision-making. Stephani is trained on Level Two of Gottman Method Couples Therapy and is a certified facilitator and seminar director for the Prepare-Enrich program.

Stephani is accepting new clients at both the Springfield and Jacksonville locations. She is in Springfield Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, with office hours in Jacksonville on Thursdays. Stephani accepts Aetna, BCBS PPO, Cigna, Health Alliance PPO, HealthLink, Magellan, and TriCare insurance, in addition to self-pay clients.

Donna Givens, RN, LCPC
Donna's Corner
The new year, even a new decade! Time to take control of your life and make those changes you have been putting off! When you make those resolutions or goals, make sure they are SMART- simple, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-limited. If you follow the SMART technique, it will be easier for you to work on those changes. Have a great 2020!

Hello everyone! I am so happy to be part of ConnectEdPAIRS as an independent provider! I look forward to working with you. My hours in Springfield are Thursday from 2:30 pm to 7:00 pm and Friday from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm. Other appointments can be arranged if needed. I currently work in Jacksonville on a flexible schedule Monday-Wednesday. I now am also seeing clients in my new Beardstown office, also on a flexible sch!edule.
Donna Givens is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who has worked in the mental health field for over 35 years. She started as a Registered Nurse on an inpatient psychiatric unit and did that for almost fifteen years. She worked in the substance abuse field for five years. She also worked in community mental health for close to fifteen years. She was a group facilitator in a partial hospitalization program as well.
Donna works with children, adolescents, and adults. She works with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Her specialties are behavior problems, mood disorders, grief, and changing behaviors. Donna also provides non-DUI-related substance abuse counseling.

Donna is accepting new clients at the Springfield, Jacksonville, and Beardstown locations. She accepts BCBS and Cigna insurance, and self-pay clients.

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