February 2020 Newsletter

Couples Corner

"It's important to have things in common."

"Variety is the spice of life." 

We have heard both of these comments when considering relationships. In his online article,"Is It Better To Be Like Your Partner?" Dr. Christian Jarrett explores whether it is better to be similar to a partner or not. 
In his research, he discovered that it differs, depending on the circumstance. He states, for instance, that if one partner is extroverted, it is probably better that the other is less extroverted. However, it is definitely better if each have the same sleep schedule. It is also better that if one partner has low conscientiousness, for the other to have higher conscientiousness.
Researchers found that by far, the most important factor to the relationship's well-being is the effect of each person's personality. Individuals tend to be happier if they and/or their partners had more agreeable, more conscientious, and less neurotic personalities. 

To read this article in its entirety, click here.

Individual Corner

Individual Corner 

Self-love. Why do these two hyphenated words cause discomfort in so many? We cannot expect to be in healthy relationships with others if we aren't healthy and don't love ourselves.
In her blog article, "The Basics of Self-Love," Marie Hartwell-Walker, EdD addresses this very thing. She gives us seven basics for self-love:

1. Believe in your essential self-worth. You are worthy of being loved. 
2. Be actively lovable. In other words, do positive things. 
3. Take responsibility for anything in yourself you don't like. Change these things. 
4. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be loved. 
5. Express gratitude. Say thank you to those who do things to make your life better or easier. 
6. Put on a happy face. When you smile, people smile back. 
7. Stop and smell the roses. Love yourself enough to take time for things you enjoy. 

To read more in depth about this, click here.

Family Corner

In the article, "What is a Broken Family Relationship and How Do I Fix It?" the author writes about what causes estrangement within families and how to repair the relationships. However, it is also pointed out that not all relationships are redeemable.
Reasons for estrangement are varied. One is childhood abuse. The now grown adult does not want to interact with the abuser or sometimes the person who allowed it to occur. Another is differing beliefs, especially religious beliefs when that religion practices shunning of non-believers. Another reason listed is simply drifting apart. Families no longer necessarily live in the same geographical area.
The author also gives times when it is good to repair relationships. Such as, having forgiven a family member for the past transgression. Another is that time has healed the wounds enough to do so. Also, if someone is in ill health, you might feel terrible if you do not reconnect with that person. 

The author tutors on how to repair the relationship next.
Seven suggestions on how to do so are included in the article and are: 
1. Be realistic about it. Don't expect too much or too little.
2. Try a letter. Writing a letter takes the emotional component out and gives the writer time to think. 
3. Start slow. Don't dive in.
4. Meet in a public place. This is neutral ground.
5. Think about how you want to handle the past. Do you want to bring it up or start anew? 
6. Set boundaries. Do not allow the family member to go past your boundary. 
7. Seek counseling if you are still having difficulty repairing the relationship.

If you would like to read the complete article, click here.

7 Things You Must Know When You Find Out You’re Infertile
On the Creating a Family blog, Dawn Davenport shares Jennifer Hartmeyer Campbell’s following words of wisdom:
1) Don’t let shame/fear/embarrassment prevent you from asking for medical help conceiving.
2) Realize, consciously, that you are gambling your heart, not just your money, your time, and your body.
3) Get a good therapist to help cope with the losses.
4) Keep busy and find/have other purposes in your life (ex: friends, work, hobbies, extended family, etc.).
5) If you are doing IUI or IVF, consider asking for Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), so you know you can miss work without worrying about being fired.
6) Remember that money is a tool for you to earn/spend/borrow as you decide based on your means, priorities, and personal values.
7) So many things about infertility are colossally unfair — try not to dwell on it, it’s a waste of energy.
To read the full article, here .
Are you having difficulty getting pregnant? Are you wondering if you might be experiencing infertility? This is the ConnectEdPAIRS corner for infertility. Check here monthly for infertility education and support. Stephani Cave, LCPC specializes in infertility counseling and holds Professional Memberships in the Mental Health Professionals Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine ASRM ) and RESOLVE : The National Infertility Association. Both of these organizations' websites are sources of education and support as well.


It's February, so I bet you thought ConnectEdPAIRS would go with a Valentine's Day graphic for the newsletter, didn't you? LOL. I chose Groundhog Day because I was wondering if you ever feel like you are doing the same thing over and over, or trying and trying to change but not getting the results you want. For example, how are you doing on your new year’s resolutions? Any time of year is a good time to tackle self-improvement! If you are feeling stuck, like Bill Murray's character in the movie Groundhog Day, call me for a counseling appointment.
To show appreciation for clients, both past and present, I purchased complimentary Mood Magnets for you to show others how you are feeling. Simply contact me to get your magnet.

All best,
Stephani Cave, LCPC

Prior editions of the ConnectEdPAIRS newsletter are now available on the Newsletter Archives tab on our website. Check it out

Stephani Cave, MA, LCPC, NCC is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and National Certified Counselor.

Stephani works with adults utilizing individual and couples counseling. Her specialties are relationships, premarital counseling, infertility/reproductive issues, depression, anxiety, self-esteem, assertiveness, grief/loss, and decision-making. Stephani is trained on Level Two of Gottman Method Couples Therapy and is a certified facilitator and seminar director for the Prepare-Enrich program.

Stephani is accepting new clients at both the Springfield and Jacksonville locations. She is in Springfield Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, with office hours in Jacksonville on Thursdays. Stephani accepts Aetna, BCBS PPO, Cigna, Health Alliance PPO, HealthLink, Magellan, and TriCare insurance, in addition to self-pay clients.

Donna Givens, RN, LCPC
Donna's Corner
February, the month of love! The month we celebrate Valentine's Day. This is not a happy time for everyone, however. Many have lost loved ones or simply are not in a relationship. So, remember to be supportive to those who are hurting at this time of year. If you know someone who isn't in a relationship, then don't gloat over the beautiful flowers you receive. Do something special for that person to let him or her know that he or she is cared about. Always be kind to others - they might be having a rough time that you don't know about!

Hello everyone! I am so happy to be part of ConnectEdPAIRS as an independent provider! I look forward to working with you. My hours in Springfield are Thursday from 2:30 pm to 7:00 pm and Friday from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm. Other appointments can be arranged if needed. I currently work in Jacksonville on a flexible schedule Monday-Wednesday. I now am also seeing clients in my new Beardstown office, also on a flexible sch!edule.
Donna Givens is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who has worked in the mental health field for over 35 years. She started as a Registered Nurse on an inpatient psychiatric unit and did that for almost fifteen years. She worked in the substance abuse field for five years. She also worked in community mental health for close to fifteen years. She was a group facilitator in a partial hospitalization program as well.
Donna works with children, adolescents, and adults. She works with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Her specialties are behavior problems, mood disorders, grief, and changing behaviors. Donna also provides non-DUI-related substance abuse counseling.

Donna is accepting new clients at the Springfield, Jacksonville, and Beardstown locations. She accepts BCBS and Cigna insurance, and self-pay clients.

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